Seriously, another robbery?! Foiled by Footwear
Yeah, I know that a few short weeks ago I said I would be in Morocco, but I am a female, and as such- I change my mind more than I change my shoes. (though that’s not hard to do cause I only own 1.5 pairs of shoes now…yeah, 1 and a HALF) It’s no secret I love Matisyahu’s musicand I just had to come to the Sumol Summer Festival, money be damned… Last night I caught a spontaneous overnight bus to Lisbon from Madrid and now here I am in the artsy city in the heart of the country. Oh, don’t think it was a cake walk.
Sitting in the bus station waiting for the bus which was supposed to come at 10, that didn’t arrive until 12… I was reading my novel with my purse on my lap, laptop bag against my body on my left, and backpack under my feet. The lady sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked me in Spanish “are the buses upstairs or downstairs?” I responded “the buses are downstairs, we are upstairs.”
Weird lady: “so the buses are not upstairs?”
Awesome Brandy: “No, there is no more upstairs. We are at the top, go downstairs for the buses”
Weird lady: “Do you understand Spanish?”
Awesome Brandy: “we’ve been speaking in Spanish this whole time, so yes, I do”
Weird Lady: “oh okay, so there are no buses upstairs?”
Exasperated Brandy in English: “Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish”
I turned back around and grabbed my novel while thinking “well that was confusing.. how am I supposed to read after that distraction?” Aahhhh SHIT! Distraction! I looked to my left and sure enough, my laptop was gone. I grabbed my purse, grabbed my flip flops off my feet and started running for the nearest door. Weird Lady’s cohort- Tiny Asian Man, was about to exit the door with my laptop. I took my last robbery pretty well, but this time… I wasn’t having any of it- I wanted to make fist to face contact.
I took a second to think- then I took my shoe and tossed it right at his head- great success, his large dome made a perfect target and I got a satisfactory slapping sound. This stunned him and he stopped to see what happened. By that time I caught him and grabbed my bag. I started to demonstrate my awesome Spanish cussing abilities when he grabbed my flip flop and ran. At that point, I just had to laugh… enjoy my single female flip flop, jerk.
I started running back to my backpack, to find Weird Lady putting her paws all over it. Awww Hell Naw. I threw my other flip flop at her and it hit her right in the face, hoping it smeared some of her ugly purple eyeshadow. Since I was between her and the nearest exit, she had to run past me. I raised my hand as if to smack her, so while she was watching my hand and running by- I stuck my foot out and tripped her- laughed, and walked to my bag. All this took about 80 seconds.
After that, I was too upset to continue reading, so I listened to some relaxing music on the iPod and waited for the bus to arrive so that I could get some much needed sleep. Finally the bus comes, and it’s half full of children and babies. To borrow a quote… “No Sleep Till… Lisbon!”
I arrived early in the morning and got treated to the view of sunrise from the roof of my hostel- absolutely breathtaking. The brand new Palace Hostel in Barrio Alto has fantastic views and is right in the middle of downtown Lisbon; their opening promotion price (open 3 days only) was 1 euro a night! How could I go wrong with that? So yeah, I might only have one a half pairs of shoes- but I have a roof over my head for 1 euro a night… everything always works out.