Seriously, another robbery?! Foiled by Footwear

Jun 10, 2010 by

Robbery foiled by footwear

One day, I will buy a Shoemerang

Yeah, I know that a few short weeks ago I said I would be in Morocco, but I am a female, and as such- I change my mind more than I change my shoes. (though that’s not hard to do cause I only own 1.5 pairs of shoes now…yeah, 1 and a HALF) It’s no secret I love Matisyahu’s musicand I just had to come to the Sumol Summer Festival, money be damned… Last night I caught a spontaneous overnight bus to Lisbon from Madrid and now here I am in the artsy city in the heart of the country. Oh, don’t think it was a cake walk.

Sitting in the bus station waiting for the bus which was supposed to come at 10,

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that didn’t arrive until 12… I was reading my novel with my purse on my lap, laptop bag against my body on my left, and backpack under my feet. The lady sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked me in Spanish “are the buses upstairs or downstairs?” I responded “the buses are downstairs, we are upstairs.”

Weird lady: “so the buses

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are not upstairs?”
Awesome Brandy: “No, there is no more upstairs. We are at the top, go downstairs for the buses”
Weird lady: “Do you understand Spanish?”
Awesome Brandy: “we’ve been speaking in Spanish this whole time, so yes, I do”
Weird Lady: “oh okay, so there are no buses upstairs?”
Exasperated Brandy in English: “Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish”

I turned back around and grabbed my novel while thinking “well that was confusing.. how am I supposed to read after that distraction?” Aahhhh SHIT! Distraction! I looked to my left and sure enough, my laptop was gone. I grabbed my purse, grabbed my flip flops off my feet and started running for the nearest door. Weird Lady’s cohort- Tiny Asian Man, was about to exit the door with my laptop. I took my last robbery pretty well, but this time… I wasn’t having any of it- I wanted to make fist to face contact.

I took a second to think- then I took my shoe and tossed it right at his head- great success, his large dome made a perfect target and I got a satisfactory slapping sound. This stunned him and he stopped to see what happened. By that time I caught him and grabbed my bag. I started to demonstrate my awesome Spanish cussing abilities when he grabbed my flip flop and ran. At that point, I just had to laugh… enjoy my single female flip flop, jerk.

I started running back to my backpack, to find Weird Lady putting her paws all over it. Awww Hell Naw. I threw my other flip flop at her and it hit her right in the face, hoping it smeared some of her ugly purple eyeshadow. Since I was between her and the nearest exit, she had to run past me. I raised my hand as if to smack her, so while she was watching my hand and running by- I stuck my foot out and tripped her- laughed, and walked to my bag. All this took about 80 seconds.

After that, I was too upset to continue reading, so I listened to some relaxing music on the iPod and waited for the bus to arrive so that I could get some much needed sleep. Finally the bus comes, and it’s half full of children and babies. To borrow a quote… “No Sleep Till… Lisbon!”

I arrived early in the morning and got treated to the view of sunrise from the roof of my hostel- absolutely breathtaking. The brand new Palace Hostel in Barrio Alto has fantastic views and is right in the middle of downtown Lisbon; their opening promotion price (open 3 days only) was 1 euro a night! How could I go wrong with that? So yeah, I might only have one a half pairs of shoes- but I have a roof over my head for 1 euro a night… everything always works out.



Brandy Bell loves the world and most things in it. she's been a solo female traveler since 2006: has visited over 25 countries, made countless international friends, and now writes to inspire you to travel, no matter your budget, nationality or experience. Follow Brandy Bell as she teaches you how to travel for free and without fear!


  1. You busted some serious ASS!!! Way to go, rocker girl! I’ll travel with you any day of the week!
    P.S. Have fun in Portugal, cheers!

    • portugal seems promising! I am digging it here, but this is one language I have nooo way of picking up on… thanks for the support chica. xoxo

  2. Hydrojen

    See…. you soooo should have become a derby girl! Thanks for the giggles…. I cannot beleive you fell for their shit but am happy you bitch slapped ‘em with your thongs~

  3. Stephanie

    Oh my goodness, you’re amazing! I like this story MUCH better than the last robbery one! Glad you nailed both of those jerks in the head/face with your flip flops! Way to go woman of fury.

  4. Lisa Ortman

    Atta girl! So glad you made it to Lisbon. Enjoy!!

  5. Mom

    You are my hero! I too can’t believe you fell for it, but, am so happy you not only got all (minus the flip flop) your stuff back and got to hit them both with your shoes!!! Seriously great stuff. Lots of love and hugs from Pop and me. Can’t wait to read about the concert.

    • I cant believe I fell for it either, but I didn’t want to be un-helpful or anything… so I was trying to help until she exasperated me. nobody steals my laptop damnit. Hope it made Pop proud ;)

  6. Aunt Donna

    You slay me, I was so pissed myself until I read the rest of the story. YOU ROCK! I will be reading this one to the family at the dinner table tonight. Hang tough!

    • I was suuuuper pissed… and what do I do when I get pissed? I throw things, like a rational adult… or tantrum-ing child, whatever.

  7. Eli

    Ha! That is seriously awesome. Two of them couldn’t stop you. I wonder what the guy did with your flip flop. Do you think he still has it?

    • maaaayyybe he’s actually a foot fetish kinda guy and was robbing me in hopes of getting my shoe…? I do wonder why he took it- I bet my feet are the size of an asian man’s foot… he better not be using it!

  8. Wow, so they didn’t get any of your stuff other than the shoe? That’s amazing! I really don’t think I would have been brave enough to fight back like that…

    I always try to loop my bags’ straps/handles loosely around my arms/legs when I’m sitting. That way if anyone tries to grab something, I’d feel it right away.

    • I normally do the foot loopy thing too, but my laptop strap wasnt long enough, and I felt totally safe with it next to me…. until Weird Lady had to go and ruin that for me. I walked a lot on those shoes, getting hit with it probably gave her some sort of sidewalk disease… heck yes! And of course I had to fight back.. it was MY laptop and HE had it… I fight like a two year old!

  9. Renee Domeier

    I haven’t laughed this hard in a looooong while! Julie and I where up at Donati yesterday, its not the same without your sunny face behind the counter. Have fun, keep your flip-flop hammer ready just in case!

    • awwww, Im bummed I missed you gals… if only I wasn’t half a world away.. my heart’s still behind the counter though! hope you had fun- how was the vino? ;)

  10. Jen

    Hilarious that you hit them both in the head. Great that all items minus a flip flop were recovered. Seriously, though, who steals A flip flop? Did he turn around and say “Aha!” before running off?

    I can picture the lady’s face post flyin flip flop to face and then falling. Truly, a smooth criminal…

  11. I really hate explaining to coworkers why I cackle randomly on my lunch break. I think this is one of the most amazing stories I’ve read in a while. Good job! I would never have thought to use my show as a weapon. <3


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