Don’t Drink the (Holy) Water

To know me is to laugh with me –or at me — I really don’t care as long as I am laughing.

For someone who used to be considered above average intelligence (until I moved across the globe and realized everyone is much smarter here) I lack a little thing we like to call “common sense” or maybe I have “common sense” but I lack the desire to use it.

This has placed me in predicaments where only hilarity can ensue. However, now that I am having to employ my senses a little more, I am having to actively find ways to become funny, because I love to laugh! Alas my old friend the prank comes into play. Pranks, the surefire way to gain a good laugh.

While helping Panagos redo a room in his house for his new wife & baby, I stumbled across a bottle of what looked like contact solution. Being a contact wearer, I understood the importance of this and put it in a bathroom cabinet. About 30 minutes later Panagos’ mother comes to the house and is looking up and down for something, muttering under her breath in Greek about something “not understanding”. I offered my help to look for whatever she was missing, but she waved me off.

After 20 minutes of searching, she gives up and leaves. Then Panagos comes to find me and asks if I have seen a bottle of water, she is looking for this. “oh yes! I found it and put it in the cabinet in the bathroom.”

He says “oh good, this is holy water and my mother was afraid you would throw it away because you don’t understand what it is. We must bring this to her, it is very important!” Then I look at him rather sheepishly and tell him I drank the water, but refilled it with tap water- and would she know the difference?

He laughs very hard and says “well now you are a holy woman!” this causes us both to laugh even harder because well, me, holy?

I tell him of course I did not drink the water, and it’s safe in the bathroom. This morning his mother comes home from church and I remind Panago to tell his mother about the water… then I give him a wink and slight nod. He picks up the signal and explains to his mother that I found the water, but was very thirsty and accidentally drank it- and I am very sorry.

I think in her 75 years of existence she has never looked so shocked. She blanches completely, white as a ghost, steps back about 5 feet from me while crossing herself and muttering something under her breath about “blessing” and “death”… it sounded very promising.

Meanwhile Panagos and I are laughing hysterically at her reaction. After about one minute, he explains to her that we are kidding, and I did not drink the water but it is safe in the house. Her face does not change, she is still looking at me like a white devil, and cannot figure out why we would joke about such things.

By this point Panago and I are crying, in physical pain from laughing so hard. Now her intense gaze and the initial shock that painted her face is now replaced with anger, realizing the joke was on her.

She slaps Panago on the arm and tells him that was not funny, and as she walked away down the hall, I saw her reflection in the mirror- she was smiling.