Drive By Molesting- would you like fries with THAT?

Put your hands where my eyes can see, old man

Las Vegas is pretty cool- you can get married in a drive thru there. America is pretty cool too, you can go to the drive in and watch a movie without having to get out of your car… but where can you get drive by molested, friends?

The Answer: The mountains of Greece. All you need is a car and a willingness to talk to strange old men. Check AND check!

The first time I came to Greece, in 2006, I rented a car with a friend. This gave us the flexibility to explore the gorgeous countryside and small towns that were not inundated with tourism.

After passing the last town about 2 hours ago, on a road that appeared to be a really long driveway, I approached a herd of goats. Of course, I stopped the car to let the goats pass, and rolled down the window to hear the metallic clanking of the bells around their neck; as they made their way across the street, they stopped to eat everything in their path. (Seriously, these things are amazing. Forget pigs, you ever need to get rid of a body… get a goat!)

After the last goat was across the road, I moved the car along slowly, sure I would run into more goats. After about 2 km I saw a man who was probably on vacation from playing Grandfather Time. Seriously, he’s old! His back was bent in the arch that makes you want to roll a matchbox car down it. I slowed the car out of respect and waited for the obligatory “Herete”.

He indicated for me to stop and so I did. He asked if I had a cigarette, sadly, I did not. Then he saw the camera I had just used to photograph the goats. He smiled excitedly and motioned I should take a photo of him. Great idea, I’ve found Moses and now I can document it.

After taking the photo of him, I got back in the car to resume my aimless driving when I notice he’s still hanging in the window. I’m pretty sure it’s been a while since he’s seen a car, so I figure he’s taking a look at the dashboard to see what all the fuss is about. It’s only then I realize his hand is slowly snaking its way down toward my nether regions. Right before I am able to grab his hand he quickly jams his hand between my legs. HA!

I am wearing jeans, so this isn’t a real offense, and I move his hand away, roll up the window while saying “safe travels”  and driving down the road while shaking my head…

Did that actually happen?! What was going through his mind? To be fair, I’m sure he was probably bored of feeling up the goats. I love my life. Funny things happen to me, and that makes me happy.