That moment when you login to the admin screen and see the notifications on the right hand side : 127 comments, 7 plugins, 14 updates and that’s not even including emails. Shit.
Where do I start? There’s a million things pressing into the back of my mind like a trick birthday candle that just won’t go out.
I used to be a reader – I remember those days when I saw a fat book, dripping with character calling to me from the bookshelf. Please – read me, let’s take fast and free adventures together. Just 30 pages, please.
No, I can’t read, I must write.
And oh, the sun, the glorious sun is finally shining in this already dreary Autumn – it too, calls to me. Brandy, close the computer, come, soak me in.
No, I can’t play right now. I must write.
The green yoga mat seems to tuck itself even further into the corner, knowing we won’t be together for a while.
The meals take less time to prepare and even less time to inhale.
Even the trips – remember when travel used to be some clothes crammed in a backpack and (hopefully) enough underwear to be a suitable human being?
Now I find myself stacking Mac on top of iPad next to the Canon which is squished alongside the external hard drive and worrying about the documentation, the presentation, the bloggification of the journey rather than experiencing my own life.
When did I lose the joy of blogging?
I’ll never forget the first moment sharing my words on the internet felt good, when Diana of D Travels Round sent me a comment on a former blog (the blog was the equivalent of a bar napkin with scribblings). I felt elation, I felt triumph, I felt the zest of a blogger and the thrill of having my words connect with another human.
You should always do what you want, what feeds your soul and makes your heart sing. For a while that meant I had to shut the computer and open my eyes.
To live again in the “real” world.
Never did I stop scrawling down the beats of my heart, but instead of the screen, I curled up with pens and paper, mugs of tea and people I love.
Oh but to be fickle, this couldn’t make me happy either. At the back of my mind I could feel them – notifications. “It’s been 200 days since you’ve posted. What are you doing with your business? 47 people have email you to tell you your site has been hacked. For 23 days you have not given a shit.”
But then the other day I lay sprawled on the yoga mat – thoughts began to settle, the sun was shining and I had finally finished a novel. My mind had permission from me to relax, to enjoy the moments. But I felt it, the yearning to share my words, to talk to you again, to talk WITH you. Where do you start a conversation you left off 10 months ago? Right in the middle of it – and with honesty.
Blogging, like anything in this world is about finding the perfect balance : I haven’t yet, but I certainly understand what not to do, and am going to work towards finding the perfect harmony that will allow me to be honest, transparent, and more frequently in touch with you. Stay tuned for the next post (which will NOT be 10 months from now) where I elaborate a bit more on what you can expect from the blog in the future, as well as a recap of the last 10 months. Because yes, I did travel, I did love it, and I am ready to share all that has happened!
Please take a moment and share what you have been up to in the last 10 months — add links if you have them! 🙂