Whippin it out.
photo: acertainblindness
I can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy when I see fellow travelers of the male persuasion doing things such as peeing into bottles, writing their names on walls with urine, and having only to unzip the fly to get relief.
Well boys, my penis envy days are over!
I no longer live in fear of the overnight train or the squat toilet that’s seen one too many squatters and too few aimers. No, these days I don’t even take off my pants to go pee- even when I’m not traveling!
As promised, I contacted the top names in the Female Urinary Device (FUD) industry and invited these companies to let me pee all over their merchandise. Both the lovely SheWee and pStyle mailed me their respective FUDs and made my yellow snow dreams come true.
Gentlemen, you’re probably not too concerned with what I am about to say, but ladies, hold on to your ovaries— this is some life changing business!
It was a cold Autumn night in Madrid, and despite the fact I was rubbing my butt on the heating system like a dog with worms, my body was still chilled. The box holding one of the FUD’s was sitting on my “sort this stuff out later” table. I was intending to wait until I was in the shower to try out the FUD in case I pissed all over myself, but the thought of taking off my pants was — for the first time in my life — too terrible to consider.
I bust FUD #1 out of its cardboard cage and walked to the bathroom, calling a girlfriend for backup. She sat on the sink, I stood over the toilet.
it’s hanging a little to the left.
photo: acertainblindness
“This is weird, where do I put my hands?” I wondered aloud
“you have to hold it, Brandy” my brilliant bystander reminded me
One hand on my FUD and one hand against the wall, I felt pretty gangster, except nothing was happening.
“Well?” my curious friend sat waiting
“one… two… three…. PEE!” I yelled at my bladder, who was being awfully shy and scared.
Tssssss….sssss… tsssss
I looked down to see an arch of pee coming from my body into the toilet— I’m a natural! My girlfriend and I were both erupting with laughter, which did not cause my awesome
aim to waver. Yes, for the first time ever, I was peeing standing up.
At the end, I took the FUD out of my pants, rinsed it in the sink and handed it over to my girlfriend who proceeded to pee with her pants on as well. As soon as she started peeing, the bathroom was once again booming with laughter. Truly ladies, you’ve never had so much fun in a bathroom (okay, except for the detachable showerhead).
Now before you get all Amazon-Happy and start buying FUD’s for your whole female family, you better stay tuned for The Great ComPEEtition to find out which FUD will leave your panties perfectly parched and who will leave you with golden showers.
'What the FUD? My Female Urinary Device Review' have 12 comments
November 28, 2012 @ 1:15 pm Flora
This is utterly amazing. Who would’ve thought peeing could be quite so amusing? I’m really happy for your natural peeing arc – long may it continue!
November 28, 2012 @ 1:21 pm brandy
thanks, Flora! I can’t stress enough how amazing it was to pee standing up…. can’t wait to get back to SE Asia and pee all over the place!
December 1, 2012 @ 4:17 am Laurie Higginbotham
I miss your humor Miss Brandy. The other day I found myself thinking about the time you threw your shoe at a would be thief and cracked up! The only problem was I was in public and looked totally insane, which of course made me laugh even harder! Come to think of it.. where can I read that story again? You should just make it easy for me and post it here as a humorous reminder to always pay attention to your bags. Happy Holidays where ever you are !!!
December 7, 2012 @ 4:24 pm brandy
Thank you Laurie!! Luckily, you can find my “charmingly vulgar” humour 24 hours a day on this little thing i like to call the internet. as for the post of the would-be-thieving-bastards you can read that here http://itsoneworldtravel.com/seriously-another-robbery-foiled-by-footwear/ the holidays are bumping in Madrid, Spain 🙂
December 7, 2012 @ 3:10 pm Barbara
Ewww… I don’t think I’d want to share a pee-pointer with my bestie. Nope. Definitely not.
But I really like the idea. For comic value, if nothing else.
December 7, 2012 @ 4:19 pm brandy
thanks for the comment Barbara! Luckily, I went first so I don’t have to worry about the sloppy seconds, but truly– it’s a wonderful product. Stay tuned for the winner and a giveaway 🙂 thanks for stopping by!
December 10, 2012 @ 11:04 pm The Great ComPEEtition – Winner and Giveaway! | It's One World...Travel
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January 1, 2013 @ 12:05 pm Audrey | That Backpacker
Haha, who invents these things?! Strange, strange…
January 2, 2013 @ 2:02 pm brandy
I admit, the idea sounds strange but the reality is a woman’s dream…. Audrey, I’m telling you- you wont regret using one! unless of course, you like popping squats in creepy bus stop bathrooms 😉
March 20, 2013 @ 7:00 pm What to Wear to Coachella
[…] you don’t have to sit on a porta-potty! Check out Brandy Bell’s review on travel blog Its One World Travel for all the deets. As mentioned before, no matter what your choice for Coachella fashion, […]
March 18, 2014 @ 2:40 am Shannon Williams
I love everything about this article Brandy! I use a FUD called Smartway that is disposable, and I love it!!
February 29, 2016 @ 10:05 pm Andreea Popa Viorela
I don’t know about you,but I find it really gross when guys pee in bottles and everywhere they want.It’s kind of a bad-raising.