Take Your Manners, and Shove ‘Em
The other day my friend offered me a Greek version of a BonBon. I accepted it and said “Thank You!” Then he looked at me quite sternly and said “you are saying thank you too much”.
Hmm. I wasn’t even sure what to say to this… of course, I had to defend myself. “But I really am thankful for this- it’s going to go great with my coffee.” Then he looks at me with an even MORE serious face and proceeds to mock me: “thank you for open the door, thank you for make phone call, thank you for dinner, thank you for this, thank you for that”. We both laughed, because, well it sounded obnoxious.
He puts his hand on my shoulder and tells me “we Greeks, we don’t say thank you for every thing a friend does for us- they are our friend, it is natural. We are friends, no?”
“Yes, of course we are friends” then he laughs even harder and says “then you must stop saying thank you!”.
The battle continues. Today he came to my door with homemade chicken soup and rice, bread and he even brought me a spoon! (yeah, no spoon in my flat) This was completely unexpected so I responded with “soup! Thank you SOO much! ” uh oh. Busted. “Brandy- what did I tell you? Now I am late, I must go”. With that, he was gone.
Now I am just perplexed. I am not sick, I don’t have a runny nose, and yet I am greeted at my own door with delicious homemade food for which a “thank you” was not even expected or accepted. These Greeks, they are sneaky!
How do you show gratitude for something without saying thank you? Why can’t I say thank you? Needless to say, I am baffled here. Friends, is this normal? Am I an over-thanker? Do friends really not have the need to say please & thank you to each other? Help a sister out… I don’t know what to make of this.
'Shove It, Miss Manners' have 10 comments
April 7, 2010 @ 9:02 pm Leilani
Well, clearly this is a cultural difference you’re stumbling into, and I, for one, am glad you’re sharing this with us. I think the point is that maybe if we say Thank You too much, it loses it’s meaning. Instead of giving a verbal mention of thanks, a smile, a hug (is that appropriate? I always hold back due to my experiences with the Swiss), or just saying something like how you’ll look forward to eating the food would be more appropriate? In any case, this will give you a good excuse to think more about what you are saying before you say it…which is odd when it’s something as small (to us) as giving thanks. Maybe you could do something in return. But again, the true act of giving is done without any expectation or selfishness.
Old-skoolers like to just give-give-give. Example – Italians with food. MANGIARE! MANGIARE!! 🙂
April 7, 2010 @ 11:49 pm livevicuriously
absolutely! what a great problem for me to have, too… but its so strange to not be able to show the gratitude that is welling up inside. other phrases of admiration are also unacceptable, I have learned. Its just your job to take when you can, and give when you can… ahhh. I am learning.
April 7, 2010 @ 9:23 pm Amy Hall
Well, I tend to say “please” & “thank you” constantly. I also hold the door for stangers and tell them to have a nice day. Maybe instead of thank you, something like “how wonderful”, “you’re the best”, “I am so lucky” or “what would I do without a friend like you” would work. I would definitely have the same “problem” that you’re having…it would be hard for me to not acknowledge when someone has done something for me. Good luck!
April 7, 2010 @ 11:50 pm livevicuriously
Im with you on that, i was raised with manners, they are always on the tip of my tongue. I am learning a new way of appreciating though- through the simple act itself…
April 7, 2010 @ 10:41 pm Linden
What a wonderful life you are having! Sounds to me like this guy might have adopted you. Maybe just respond with “The soup was delicious! Can you show me how you make that sometime?” As a cook you will know that is the best thanks…
April 7, 2010 @ 11:47 pm livevicuriously
that’a totally true. i forget the wisdom that lies behind that fiery hair of yours. The soup WAS delicious and I am definitely adopted… good thing I love Greece!
April 8, 2010 @ 12:12 am eleganterica
There seems to be some cultural differences on both ends.
THANK goodness it is something as difficult too much (good) manners 🙂
April 8, 2010 @ 7:32 am Mom
Well Miss Brandy… as problems go this one could be kind of a fun challenge. Learning how to “BE” grateful. We Americans are such “doers”. Maybe we could use with a bit more practice in “being” and less “doing”. We are taught to say “thank you” at a very young age and it feels right to us. But…what if what we are learning is how to relieve ourselves of the “burden” of “being” thankful. We’ve said thank you…..we really are… we meant it…we are done. It is the way we do it. If we have those words taken from us we now have to “stay” in the thankfulness. We have to “be” thankful. Is it that we are insecure? If our kindnesses are left unthanked do we feel unappreciated? Do other cultures feel we see them as insecure if we are always thanking them for their kindnesses? So much fun to think about. Let us all know what you learn about this wonderfully perplexing “problem”. I’m intrigued.
April 8, 2010 @ 5:23 pm ayngelina
Oh man, I have been saying gracias to everything and adding an occasional mucho here and there 🙂
April 8, 2010 @ 7:10 pm livevicuriously
it’s SOOO hard not to when people are amazingly welcoming and generous. glad youre having fun girl!